Prologue:

“Will return in 1 hour” Said the note pasted on the wooden door. Bermuda stared down at the old, wrinkled, and stained paper, his arms crossed, his face already drooped into a frown. “There is nothing left for me here,” he muttered to himself, still staring at the “Will return in 1 hour” note.
He still remembers the day his free company founder, along with her husband and co-leader, left that note. Bermuda, during that time, was making a temporary leave from the free company, to do some soul searching he told them.
“Sounds great!” said the founder and leader, “We’re just heading over to the Frontlines to hone our skills.” At this point she had written the note and plastered it on the door.
When Bermuda returned, he found the note still in its place. Bermuda was, at first, confused. Maybe they forgot to take it down, he thought as he entered the large house where his free company lived. What he found nearly broke his heart.
The living quarters has become filled with dust and cobwebs. The floors creaked, with the wood decaying from age and lack of care. The old couched was covered in torn holes, and the love seats seemed to have vanished. The windows were shattered, a rather strange encounter considering they seem spotless and intact when viewed from the outside.
It has been over 5 months since the founder and her husband had left, assuring they’ll be back one hour after they left. Bermuda, thinking over the variables, had deduced that they were not coming back.
Which finally leaves the scholar back outside, looking towards his once beautiful home (a home that is still pristine when viewed from the outside, another strange anomaly). By now Bermuda had accepted that his old friends would not be returning, for whatever reason they had. He was disheartened, yes, but one thing still lingered on his mind. What of the rest of free company? His most faithful allies? Just as he was pondering this thought, Bermuda suddenly caught something lying by the front door, just next to the neglected, weed filled garden. Bermuda reached down to find another note, this one much cleaner than the last.
“It’s time we all move on. This free company will never be what it once was.”
Bermuda crumbled the note, anger filling him. They all left, abandoning the very company who gave them a roof over their heads, allies to fight beside, a purpose! “Those fools!” Shouted Bermuda, catching the attention of others walking about, “Do they not know loyalty!? Do they not have pride!? How could they desert their allies like this!?”
Bermuda, however, was stronger than this. He wasn’t going to abandon his free company, just because all the other members have. No, he was going to rise above these ashes. Rebuild the free company from the ground up, make it stronger than it once was. Yes, Bermuda was suddenly filled with energy, a newfound purpose in his life. “This is my destiny,” Bermuda exclaimed.
He stepped back into his old home, and suddenly all his energy was completely drained by the smell of rotten wood and dank furniture; he was going to have to clean all this up, he realized.
“Maybe there is something to this whole deserting idea….”
~
Bermuda found himself in a pub back at Limsa Lominsa, having officially leave him free company. He drank down the ale in big gulps, and, having already had two mugs, was feeling a little tipsy. There with him were his only allies left: Eos, a faery who seemed to be tipsy all the time, Selene, another faery who treated Bermuda like he was less than dirt, and Boulder, his chocobo that he can trust with life and that he insists can speak his tongue.
“I guess that’s just how it is,” said Bermuda, as he took another gulp. “You think you know someone, and you decide to leave for five moons. You think, hey, I come back, and everything’s going back to the way it was, right? But no, everyone just ups and leaves. Damn fools, I say.” The bartender simply nodded, not really paying attention but figures that if he keeps pretending, the clearly under the influence scholar would eventually leave him alone. “But, I guess that’s just how life is, huh? People drift apart, not knowing if you ever see them again. Kinda makes you think about what you have, makes you appreciate it, you know?”
“Ain’t that the truth, mate,” replied the bartender.
Bermuda sighed before taking drink. “But hey, that doesn’t mean I can just sit on my ass and drink all day, right? I just gotta get back on my feet, find other adventurers that can use me. Hell, might even find another free company.”
“That’s the spirit,” replied the bartender half heartedly.
Bermuda took one last gulp before laying the now empty glass on the counter. “Alright, I better get going then. Good talking,” he nodded to the bartender, who nodded back. Bermuda looked to his faeries and his bird. “Ladies, Boulder,” he motioned them to followed.
Just as he was about the leave the pub, however, he heard the bartender call to him. “Hey, you gonna pay these drinks?”
~
Bermuda had suddenly found himself surrounded by many angry guards, all gripping axes he didn’t were possible to be held. But this did not deter the scholar, for he was not one to cower when the odds go against him.
“It’s only 80 gil!” shouted one of the guards, “You have that much, you just said it! Why can’t you just pay?”
“You think this scares me!?” Shouted Bermuda, or at least, that’s what he wanted to say, but what came out sounded more like “Yerthingathargsameeee!?”
The guards, a little taken back by Bermuda’s drunken spouting, attempting to subdue him. Bermuda began to recite a spell from his tome, causing a faint, green light to emit from his right hand. One guard came forth, swinging his axe down at Bermuda with great force. Bermuda, after having many duals with the primal Titan, was able to dodge the attack swiftly and without fail. The axe instead hit the floor with a loud crack, impaling the wooden foundation, and leaving itself stuck With the guard vulnerable for that moment, Bermuda released the green light from his hand, and fired the spell. The spell landed directly on the guard’s shoulder, causing his upper body to glow a faint green. However, instead of screaming in pain as bermuda had hope, the guard instead felt rejuvenated, his shoulder that was dislocated now healed, and his skin feeling harden.
The guards, as well as Bermuda, looked very confused for a moment before it finally dawned on all of them. Bermuda was no warrior; he did not lead the party with a mighty axe, or fire arrows like rain from the back. He was a scholar, and he did not cause wounds, he mends them. Bermuda suddenly felt very scared.
Before he can mutter a “ah shit,” Bermuda suddenly felt the impact of the guard’s axe’s blunt edge hit his chest, sending him flying back into a table. He groaned as he lifted himself up, seeing now the guards closing in on him. “Eos!” He shouted to his faery. “Help!”
“Aye aye captain!” said Eos excitedly. She did a spin and hop, and many lights and sparkles shoot from her hand that engulfed the entire pub. Now, it was not just one guard, but all those in the pub feeling their life force reignited. The guards in particular, saw that the scratches and bruises they had from the wear and tear of their daily job disappear, and a smile grew on their faces as they feel completely new again.
“Eos!” shouted Bermuda, “What are you doing!?”
“Helping!” replied Eos, still smiling, oblivious that she may have doomed her ally.
Bermuda turned to his other faery. “Selene! Lend me your strength.”
Selene, who at the time was enjoying ale of her own, looked up from her miniature mug. “Do you remember the time in Cutter’s Cry, we were being chased by those giant ants, and you had the idea of using me as a distraction to get away? Because I do.”
Bermuda blinked, his heart losing hope as he realized that Selene still, as she always did, hated him. Finally, he looked to his final ally, his most trusted friend. “Boulder!” Bermuda called out to his chocobo, “Assist me, my sworn brother!”
Boulder was already bound by one of the guards, who subdued the bird with a piece of gysahl greens. Boulder was, of course, happily eating away before his beaked was muzzled.
“Boulder, no!” Bermuda shouted, before he saw that one guard, the largest of the bunch, leaped onto him, landing with an elbow drop. The impact shattered the table, cracked the floor, and broke several of Bermuda’s ribs.
Several other guards rushed over to the now tired and completely grappled Bermuda, and, seeing that he was no longer (or ever was) a danger, began to bind him. They tied his arms, legs, and everywhere else on his body with rope until he was completely bound and unable to move. By now, thanks to the brawl and the ale, Bermuda was close to passing out. Two of the guards lifted him up over their heads like he was hunted game, and proceeded to carry him out of the pub.
“Seven hells, you have to deal with that?” the bartender, now rather disgruntled by his wrecked bar, asked Selene.
The faery was still quietly drinking her ale when she shrugged. “He’s a good healer when he’s not acting like a fucking dipshit.”
“When’s that?”
“Never.” said Selene, as she continued watching her master being carried out of the pub.

And thus begins a completely unrelated story.

I love it!

Chapter 1: Under the where.

The air was hot and heavy, with the smell of molten rock creepy up from the ground beneath. Solid rock surrounded the eight adventurers from above and below, like cage trapping eight, tiny mice. Bermuda stood front and center, staring down the party’s opponent. He was large, very large, with a body made of stone, cracking with bright magma veins. His eyes glowed a burning yellow, and his hair was flowing like lava from an erupting volcano. This god like being wore nothing but a tribal like skirt made of bone, hiding a glory some say is more massive than the earth itself. Titan, the primal of the kobolds, stared down Bermuda and, with a growling voice, called out, “Briefs!”
“Boxers!” Bermuda yelled in response, not backing down from the massive, intimidating nature of the primal.
Titan stomped forward, “Briefs!” He shouted back.
Bermuda returned volley. “Boxers!”
Titan tore off his skirt to reveal a set of briefs, clad in bone much like his outerwear. “Briefs!”
Bermuda followed suit, tearing off his pants to reveal red, yellow-polka dotted undergarments. “Boxers!”
“What the hell are they arguing about now?” Ask Selene, who was filing her nails out of sheer boredom.
“I don’t even know anymore,” answered the Warrior, who was sharpening her blade, also out of sheer boredom.
Word has spread across Eorzea that Titan, after being defeated several times the past week, had once again been summoned by the kobolds, and now seeks revenge against the adventurers who had banished him. And so the adventurers returned, seeking to put an end to the primal’s rage. Just as they did before, and will do again.
At least, that was the intention, if not for the bard who had forgotten to use the bathroom before travelling to the Navel, and asked to relieve himself before the gruelling back began. The party and Titan agreed to wait. At least the primal was polite.
Unfortunately, the adventurers were growing impatient. It had been half an hour since the bard’s disappearance (Not that surprising really, considering he’d half to make his way out of the Navel first), and the rest, particularly the Warrior and the Black Mage, are getting restless.
“What is the seven hells is taking him so long? Why are we even waiting!?” complained the irate Black Mage. “Why is Titan even waiting?”
“He wants a proper eight man spanking,” replied Selene, “He has something called ‘dignity,’ something I wish my master had.”
Just then, the bard appeared, running quickly back to the party while simultaneously pulling up his pants. “I have returned!” He shouted, and everyone let out a relieving sigh, Titan included.
“About damn time,” Selene muttered, then she looked at Bermuda. “Would you please put on some pants now?”
Titan pounded his fists together as he faced his opponents. “Sons of man! Thou shall pay for the pain you caused to my-”
“Wait!” Shouted the Dragoon, “I have to relieve myself as well, I’ll be back.”
The party groaned and were clearly annoyed, Titan more so as his speech was interrupted for the second time
~
It wasn’t until an hour later when all in the company had finally taken care of what they needed, from the bard’s and Dragoon’s need to relieve themselves, to the monk who got hungry and left for some food. Last was the warrior who simply left after being tired of the bullshit, so they had to wait for another to fill her spot.
Titan groaned as he stood up from a nap he took. “Sons of man, feel my anger, tremble before the earth,” he recited his typical speech in a very unenthusiastic tone, making it very clear that he was very irate, and frankly disappointed, by his opponents.
Bermuda suddenly raised his hand. “Hey, uh, I don’t suppose you can spare five minutes while I go get another pair of pants?” He asked, as he was still in his underwear.
Titan did not answer at first. He only shot a glare at the scholar, then, with both fists clenched, pounded the center of the arena, causing a large chuck of the outer edge to shatter and break off.
“I guess not?” Bermuda shrunk back
“Why didn’t go before…” Selene buried her face in her palm.
No matter, Bermuda thought, as it wasn’t the first time he fought without clothes. He began chanting a spell that emitted a pale, green light that covered the party; a simple protection spell. Selene followed suit, sprinkling bright dust around, raising the precision and power of all.
The Dragoon was the first to actually strike, leaping high into the air and charging lance first into the primal. Unfortunately, he was collided face first into Titan’s rock hard fist, and was launched far out of the arena in one hit.
“Dragoon’s out!” Shouted the monk.
Luckily, Bermuda had already factored this into his strategy. The same thing every time, he repeated the words in his mind, fight starts, the dragoon dies, the heavy armor brings Titan to the edge, and the rest of us gather around his ass and-
He suddenly saw the paladin flying over his head, and out of the arena. “That can’t be good…”
Think quick, Bermuda thought to himself, we can still salvage this. The Dark Knight managed to grab Titan’s attention and had the primal brawling near the edge. However, Bermuda wasn’t sure how long he could last parrying and dodging every jab and stomp the Lord of Crags did. The Black Mage conjured up a large ball of flame and flung it straight into Titan’s back, while the monk went for the legs. Bermuda himself stayed back with the White Mage to provide support as need, along with his faery. The Bard did what Bards do best; sing.
“A company of eight brave forth
To face the Lord of Crags
With their strength and their courage
Their fate to kick his ass.”
The fight seemed salvageable at first, but everything began to go down hill when the monk attempted to strike Titan’s back. Titan felt a hit hard enough to crack his back, but that only made him angrier. He threw off the Monk, turned to face away from the Dark Knight and to the rest of the party, and struck the ground with great force; The Monk and the Black Mage flew off the platform from the hit, while Bermuda, the White Mage, and the Bard made a clear dodge.
The Dark Knight tried to take advantage of the fact that Titan left his back to him, and leaped up into the air for an attack. However, Titan saw this easily, grabbed the Dark Knight in the mid air, and slammed him into the White Mage. Both were pummeled 3 feet into the platform.
“Why did they jump? They knew that got the dragoon killed,” Selene commented.
Bermuda tried to assess the situation; Titan was glaring at him after removing his fist from the hole he just created, and the only people that were left were Bermuda, Selene, and the Bard. “So on a scale from 1 to cheap whore, how fucked are we?” Selene asked.
The Bard kept singing, making obvious that he didn’t really understand what was going on, especially when he ignored Bermuda’s plea to do something, anything.
Titan was gearing up for one last punch, one that will no doubt obliterate Bermuda and the Bard.
“Bermuda before you die, I want you to know that I never had any respect for you,” said Selene bluntly.
“I think you made that very obvious,” replied Bermuda as he awaited his impending doom.
Titan launched his attack; Bermuda braced for impact, while the Bard kept singing. The second felt like an eternity as the scholar waited for the weight of the world to fall upon him.
Yet, it never did. To Bermuda’s surprise, Titan’s fist stopped a few feet before impact. He looked up at the primal to see his face contorted in pain and surprise. Then he looked down, and saw a large hole in his chest, and a figure kneeling down below. It was quick, like a flash, but something flew down from above and peirce directly into Titan’s chest with enough force to blow away half of the primal’s body. Titan said nothing, only limped before dissipating into aether. Bermuda, and even Selene were stumped at what just happened.
Before either could say anything, the figure that just dropped down began to stand. It a large, imposing figure, clad in a radiant white and gold armor. It carried a sword that matched its armor, yet it seemed more dull in color. The centerpiece, however, where the two large, bright wings that extended from the back of the figure. They radiated a brilliant shine that almost blinded Bermuda and Selene (the Bard was not looking, and was in fact still singing)
Brilliant? Bermuda repeated the word, yet it didn’t sound right. At least, that’s not how he would describe this heavenly being.
Truth is, the more he studied the being, the less it looked brilliant, and the more it looked… disturbing. The wings didn’t seem to stand on their own and limped. The helmet covered the face, obviously, but the openings were filled with nothing but black. Not just shadow, but an oozing black mass. What stood out, however, was what creeped Bermuda out the most; the being’s left arm was at least a foot longer than the right arm, hanging past the knee that what is naturally possible.
Then it spoke. It stood completely still when it got on its knees, and spoke in a very hollow, dead voice.
“Har….kuun….”
Bermuda blinked, not really sure what to say about this. Selene was less spooked, but was still very cautious; she did not trust this thing at all.
“Harkuun…” the being said again, this time more clear.
Bermuda finally began to mutter something. “I uh.. I’m not sure what… I’m sorry, what are you exactly?”
The figure suddenly turned its head to Bermuda. Just its head, the body stay still like a statue, and simply stared at Bermuda for what seemed like hours. “What am I…?” it finally said, repeating the question. It began to inspect itself, looking over its body. Then it faced Bermuda again. “I’m an angel,” it answered.
Bermuda looked up and down the angel. Well, it kind of looks like an angel, he thought, But what’s with the arm?
“Well, uhm, thanks for saving our asses there,” Bermuda said to the angel sheepishly.
“Angel… angel…” the angel only echoed what it just said. It suddenly began to step towards Bermuda, with long, slow steps. “I hear… angels… coming… they are…”
“Praise Hydaelyn!” The Bard suddenly shouted, “The Lord of the Crags had fallen yet again to her chosen! I shall sing a song for our great victory!”
This sudden cry drew both Bermuda and Selene’s attention away from the angel. “What? No no, it wasn’t us,” Bermuda began to explain the situation, “This guy just flew down from above and tore Titan a new one. Quite literally.”
“Beg your pardon?” the Bard asked, with a confused look on his face. “What guy?”
“This guy, the…” Bermuda looked back to the angel, but found nothing; the angel was gone without a trace. “…Selene, did you see..?”
Selene only shrugged, with a face to show that she was obviously just as confused as Bermuda was.
The Bard, however, didn’t seem to care. “Bah, you need not worry about the how. Titan is defeated yet again! Come, let us revive our fallen allies and celebrate!”
With that, the Bard went off singing again, leaving Bermuda and Selene alone, still confused as to what just happened. “You saw that too right?” asked Selene
“I think so,” Bermuda replied, rubbing his temples. “This is starting make my brain hurt, let’s just go revive everyone and get drunk.”
“You’re not wondering about why this so called angel came in the first place?” Selene asked, “Or where it went off to?”
Bermuda shrugged. “We can’t really do anything about it, I mean look,” Bermuda pointed to the now virtually empty platform, “Not even a plume. Gonna have to agree with the bard on this.”
With that Bermuda opened his book and began to recite a spell of revival. Selene was still looking at where the angel was. She knew something was there, and whatever it was, she didn’t think it came out of goodwill. It was looking for something. And that word, the first thing it said, what was it?
Selene sighed, and went back with Bermuda; maybe she’ll concentrate better after a drink.

Chapter 2: It’s a **** in a box

The cold was rather blistering that day, despite being mid day on a clear sky. Such is life in Ishgard, for Bermuda at least. It’s been where he’s been living out his most recent days, staying in the cheapest inn for the past couple of weeks. Bermuda walked through the plaza, passing by two commoners arguing. One was arguing that the other placed a statue of the legendary King Thordan outside his window, blocking much of the view, and the nearly injured himself, and cracked the statue, attempting to remove. The other retorted, saying that he didn’t even own a King Thordan statue. The quarrel caught the attention of the Heaven’s Ward, who arrested the first arguer for desecrating a King Thordan statue. They then arresting the second man for not owning a King Thordan statue. Such is life in Ishgard.
Bermuda made sure to avoid those types, as he knew nothing about the legend of King Thordan (he kind of fell asleep when his allies tried to explain it to him). He eventually made his way to the inn, up to his room, and collapsed on his bed. “Finally, I can take a rest!” He exclaimed. Boulder was sleeping by the edge of the bed, something that many commented to be unsanitary, and shook his feathers when his spot was disturbed.
“Kweh!” shouted the bird.
“I’ll feed you later, bird,” responded Bermuda, “I just need to relax a bit.”
“Bermuda~” Eos flew up to Bermuda’s face. “I’m thirsty, can I use some gil and go to the pub?”
“Yeah yeah, sure” Bermuda wave his arm. Eos smile, took the whole wallet, and flew quickly to the door.
“Let’s go, Boulder!” she called out the chocobo, who leaped off the bed to follow.
“You’re never going to see another gil out of that, you know that right?” Selene sat by the desk next to the bed.
“It’s fine,” said Bermuda, “We’ll just make more doing… killing monsters or… whatever it is we do.”
There was a long silence in the room, save for Eos and Boulder attempting to operate the door but failing, until Selene spoke up.
“So… are we not going to talk about it?”
“Hmmm?” Bermuda grunted, already starting to drift away.
“You know what I mean dumbass,” retorted Selene. “Over at the Navel? The angel?”
“What is there to talk about?” Bermuda stretched, “The gods above decided to have mercy on us and sent of their servants to beat Titan’s ass. Nothing more.”
Selene shook her head. “I don’t think it works like that.”
Bermuda seemed to ignore her. “Either way, it doesn’t matter. He’s gone now, and we don’t even know where he came from or went to. Nothing we can do about it.”
The conversation was interrupted with a loud crack and the sound of something heavy dropping; it seems the Eos and Boulder accidently broke the door knob. However, the door creaked open, and so to them it was a victory.
“Sounds like you’re just being a lazy ass,” Selene continued.
“I’m not being lazy, I just don’t-”
“DELIVERY!” Bermuda was interrupted by a rather energetic Eos, who brought in a delivery moogle after her.
“Delivery for a Bermuda, kupo,” said the moogle, holding a rather large package. “It’s rather heavy… and it kind of smells. Maybe it’s a secret admirer, kupo?”
Bermuda groaned as he sat up, realizing that he’d have to interact with another of these things. “Alright, just set here,” he held his arms up. The moogle dropped the package into Bermuda’s hands, showing obvious relief of being free from its smell and weight. Unfortunately for Bermuda, this meant that he had to deal with the rotting smell seeping out of this box. What the crap is in this?
He looked up to see the moogle still looking at him. It’s still here. “You can go now.”
“Well now I’m curious,” said the moogle, “What’s in the box, kupo?”
Bermuda didn’t say anything, only thrusted the moogle with his palm, sending it flying out of the room. Boulder, trained to handle these situations, kicked the door closed, and sat pressed against it to prevent reentry. Eos muttered something about being mean, but Bermuda didn’t really hear. He was more interested at the package.
“Well it wasn’t kidding about the smell,” Bermuda commented, “What do you think it is?”
“It’s a box,” Selene answered.
Bermuda scrunched his eyebrows. “I mean inside, smartass.” To be honest, he was kind of afraid of opening it, mainly for the smell. It was very rancid, yet had a hint of sweetness to it.“I wonder who sent it?”
“Good question,” said Selene, plugging her nose to stop the smell, “Gods know you don’t have any friends, and I can’t imagine anyone admiring you, secret or not.”
Bermuda glared at Selene. “Can you go one moment without insulting me?”
“I’ll stop when you stop giving my ammunition to work with,” Selene retorted.
Bermuda rolled his eyes, and began to open the box. “Just… whatever, let’s just see what’s in- woah!” What he found made him drop the box as well as whatever it was inside. The package fell on its side, and out rolled a severed head that was already very decomposed. Its lips were curled up to reveal its teeth, sockets were void of eyes, and the skin seemed stretched and dried up; clearly this unfortunate person was dead for a while.
The three looked down at the head in disgust, while Boulder sniffed it and attempted to eat part of it. Bermuda shooed him away.
“We can probably rule out that one,” said Selene, feeling rather nauseous.
Bermuda was more surprised than disgusted. He had seen dead bodies, after all, just didn’t one to be mailed to him.
“Hmm?” Eos suddenly noticed something sticking out of one of the eye sockets. “Hey, there’s a…. roll up piece of paper?”
Sure enough, sticking out of the head was a rolled up paper. It may have been white at one point, though it seemed to have stained a yellowish red, possibly from being lodged into a severed head.
The room grew quiet for a moment again, before Selene spoke out to Bermuda. “Well? It’s not going to unravel itself.”
“I’m not touching that,” retorted Bermuda, “it probably has 30 different diseases on it, it smells like crap, and it’s stuck inside someone’s head.”
“You acted like you haven’t stuck you hands in a dead body before,” replied Selene, “Just tug it out quickly.”
Bermuda sighed, and decided to reach for the paper. He pinched the edge and yanked it out. Thankfully, it came out relatively easy, and it didn’t seem too moist. He unraveled it to reveal a message, written in black ink.
Coerthas Central Highlands
North of Boulder Downs
Sunset. Find us or we will find you.
See you soon son
Bermuda stared at the letter, with Eos and Selene both sides of his face, reading into it as well. “Yup, that’s a threat,” said Selene.
“Damnit,” Bermuda muttered, “Who did I piss off this time?”
“Oh oh, was it that one elven girl you asked out last night?” said Eos.
Bermuda grumbled, “Okay, I’m a bad flirt, but come on here!”
“Going to have to agree with Bermuda here,” said Selene, studying the note further. “Who ever wrote clearly has more against him than a few bad pickup lines.” She then turned to the scholar. “Which begs the question. What are you going to do about this?”
Bermuda thought for moment. In truth, he didn’t have much of a choice. Whoever sent him… this, obviously knew where he lived, and the letter didn’t exactly seem to friendly. And, from looking at the head still laying on the floor, he doubt that it was a bluff. “I’m going to have to face them, whoever, they are,” He said at last. He kicked the head back into the box, closed it up (being very careful not to touch the actually dead part), and took a look outside the window. It was still midday, which means he had time to prepare.
“You got this Bermuda,” exclaimed Eos, “You’ve handle worse than this!”
“Yeah, you’re right,” said Bermuda, already starting to feel more at ease, “I’ve killed dragons before, this is nothing compared.”
“Kweh!” shouted Boulder, who was still eyeballing the head.
“Oh, right, should probably something about that,” replied Bermuda.
“Look at the bright side,” Selene said, smirking, “this is probably the closest to getting head you’re going to get.”
Bermuda glared at Selene, but didn’t say anything, as he knew she was right.

Chapter 3: Dusk to Downs

Boulder Downs by Sundowns, they said.
We’ll have what you want. You just be ready to deliver on your end.
A small mountain of snow already formed on top of Salolo Salo’s helmet after sitting and waiting for so long, though for her size it was more like small molehill. This snow, along the strong winds and the cold that came with it, did not help brighten her already grumpy mood.
Sundowns, they said, Salolo repeated in her mind. At that moment it was long past sundown and already creeping into night. Yet still the lalafell sat alone, waiting for what had been hours already, thinking of all the places she’d rather be, occasionally muttering a curse beneath her breath.
She had to stay, however; she had to meet her contact, even if she has to wait all night. She spent too long preparing for this moment; he axe is nice and shard, and even polished it for the occasion. Plus, the people she’s dealing with aren’t the kind that would lead her on like this. They even made their letter rhyme a bit, just to show they’re not screwing around.
There was movement further down east; finally, Salolo thought to herself, someone finally came. She couldn’t see much through the snow fall, but she was able to determined that whoever it was that was coming their way, they were more or less alone. She can spot a large animal with them, most likely a chocobo, but it wasn’t anything to she would worry about. The figure was carrying something under their right shoulder, but Salolo couldn’t make out what it was. Regardless, the whole situation seemed a little off.
They weren’t stupid enough to send out one guy alone, are they? She thought as she got up, dusted the snow off of her armor, and cautiously made her way towards the shadow. Maybe the bird was supposed to be their backup, or perhaps there are more of them hiding in the snow, or watching from afar. Whatever the reason was, she knew she had to watch her move.
The two stopped just several yards apart, where they can barely see any facial structures. Salolo looked up at the figure, and tried to find out as much as she could about this person. They were tall, a little slender, and dressed in rather light clothing, save for a long coat. They didn’t seem too threatening, but these days, you can never be too sure; Salolo made sure to keep her distance.
“Well?” She called out finally, “You have it?”
The figure stared back for a moment, staying completely silent. They then tilted their head, as if confused by the statement, then finally shrugged.
“Don’t screw me around,” shouted Salolo, “I’ve been waiting in this damn place for hours and I’m not in the mood for games.”
The other still stared, not saying a word. They only scratched they head, then shrugged again.
Salolo sighed. “Whatever, just… here” She took a bag filled with gill and threw at the shadow. “There’s your payment, now hand it over.”
The figure picked up the bag, studied it for a long moment, glanced over to the bird, then back over to Salolo; they looked very confused. Nonetheless, the figure gave the bag of gil to the chocobo, who took it into its beak, took the large, round object he had under his shoulder, and punted it over to Salolo. The lalafell didn’t really have time to think, but still caught it. However, what she caught made her go white with shock; a severed head, almost nearly decayed. With a loud yelp she dropped the and, feeling a suddenly heat of rage, drew her axe and charged towards the shadow. “What the fuck are you trying to pull here!?” She shouted. “Is this supposed to be a threat? What, you got your boys hiding around ready to try and strong me, do you? I thought we had a deal!” She swung her axe high above her head (which wasn’t really that high) and dropped it down enough force to cracked the earth. However, the other managed to draw their own weapon to block; their weapon, however, was only a book, and was only able to deflect the axe. In the end, the shadow found themselves knocked back on to the snow.
“Wait, stop, hold on!” shouted the figure, while he held his book in front of his face, “Parley! Truce! Please don’t hurt me!”
Once she was close enough to get a good a look, Salolo made a revelation; this wasn’t her guy, far from it in fact. This stranger wasn’t exactly armed, and his clothing did not match those of the ones that stole from her. That, and the fact that this guy was acting like a total wuse.
“Who the hell are you?” Salolo demanded.
The other looked over his book. “…B-Bermuda… yes, that’s me, please don’t hurt me, I’m just a scholar, I can’t kill for crap, honest!”
“Are you a Janitor?” Salolo suddenly asked.
“What? No, I’m terrible at cleanliness, just ask my faeries,” Bermuda responded.
Salolo stared at Bermuda, then glanced over to the severed head, then back at Bermuda. “What the hell are you doing here?” She started coming at Bermuda with her axe out again, only this time interrogating him at the same time. “And what is with the head, just who was that!? Did you kill them!?”
“Okay okay okay,” Bermuda held his hands out in defense, “So you don’t want the head then?”
“Why would I want a fucking head!?” Salolo couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Was this guy for real?
“Well how should I know?” Bermuda returned sounding a little irritated himself. “I get a note and a severed head telling me to come here at sundown, and here you are handing me a bag of money asking for gods know what, and I’m standing here going ‘what the hell?’”
Salolo’s eyes widened. “Oh crap, my money!” She withdrew her axe, and started quickly towards the chocobo. “Hey, bird, over here!”
Boulder looked up, or rather down, at the lalafell coming his way, and jumped back when Salolo tried reaching for him. “Kweh!”
Salolo tried again, and again, but Boulder kept hopping back and forth after every attempt. “Stop moving, bird!” she demanded, but to no avail.
“Well now he’s not going to stop,” Bermuda explained, “he thinks you’re playing with him.”
Salolo turned back at Bermuda, and was very obviously passed the point of pissed off. “You listen here, scholar,” she stomped towards Bermuda, once again gripping her axe. “You have 30 seconds to get my money back into my hand before I make fried chocobo out of the both of you.”
“You make it sound like he listens to me,” Bermuda joked, thought that only got a glare from the already angry lalafell. “Alright alright, I get. Come here Boulder.” He tried to grab the chocobo by the saddle but, just like with Salolo, Boulder leaped back. “Come on now, no time to play,” said Bermuda as he tried to reach out, but once again Boulder jumped back. Growing frustrated, Bermuda quickly lunged at Boulder, but fell flat on the snow as the bird jumped back, then took off opposite direction, disappearing into the snow. “Heh, well we’re not seeing him until the morning.” Bermuda chuckled, which then turned into nervous laughter when he saw Salolo tightening her grip on her axe. “Er, maybe I can give you an I.O.U?”
Salolo lost it. She charged at Bermuda, her axe high above her head, yelling out in rage. Bermuda covered his face with his book, and pleaded not to be hit in the face. But suddenly, Salolo froze; there was a loud click, out rather several clicks, that stopped the raging lalafell in her tracks. It was the sound of rifles, followed by the strings of bows being pulled, that caused Salolo’s face to turn white yet again. Bermuda, once he realized that he was not face full of axe, slowly lowered his book. Salolo was no longer facing him, but had her head turned to her left. Bermuda followed her gaze.
There were five new figures that appeared beyond the falling snow. Two of the held out long rifles, pointed at Bermuda and Salolo, and another two aimed large bow and arrows at the two. The fifth, the one in the middle, carried a large spear, only this one was drawn. The fifth figure stepped out towards the other two; he was a large, imposing Roegadyn dragoon, covered in a blue armor with yellow stripes. “Salolo Salo!” he called out with his arms open. “Good to see you showed up. Now we can- what’s this?” He caught notice of Bermuda, who was more puzzled than frightened. “Bringing a friend along, eh? Oh dear, Salolo, I thought we had a deal! Come alone, bring the gil, and give ya what you want!”
“I don’t even know this guy!” Salolo retorted. “And what about you, bring a damn army with you? You think that’s anything but fair?”
“Hey now, we set the terms here,” said the blue dragoon, who then sighed and shrugged. “But, I suppose ya have a point. Hey, along as you got our pay, right?” He smiled at Salolo. “Whelp, what are you waiting for? Show us the gil.”
Salolo was silent, and shot Bermuda a glare. “I… don’t have it,” she finally said, “it was stolen by an idiot and his bird.”
The dragoon shook his head. “For shame Salolo, that’s a children’s excuse! If you’re going to try and weasel out of a deal, at least put in a little more effort.”
“It’s true!” Salolo retorted, pointing at Bermuda, “This guy’s chocobo took my gil and now-”
“I don’t wanna hear, miss,” the dragoon waved her off, “all I know is that, you don’t have our money, and I’m afraid that we can’t hold our end of the deal like this.”
Bermuda then raised his hand. “Uh, hey, look I’m sure this is all important and all, but I really kinda just go home already, so can any of you tell me who sent this?” He held up the severed head at the dragoon and his goons. This, naturally, caused a bit of reaction from them.
“Is that a bloody head?” One of the archers asked.
“By the gods he killed a man!” Said one of the gunners.
“It’s a threat!” Said the second archer, “He means to decapitate us all!”
“Wait, now hold on here,” the dragoon started, “I think you all are overrea-”
“I’m taking the shot!” Said the first archer.
“No, don’t take the shot,” pleaded the dragoon.
“I wanna take the shot, sir!” said the second archer.
“I said don’t-” before the dragoon could finish, the archers let loose their arrows, sending them flying at both Bermuda and Salolo.
Salolo made a quick roll to her right, dodging the arrow cleaning. Bermuda shot his book up to his face, which caught the arrow, leaving the tip just centimeters away from his nose.
The gunners followed the archers, and made three shots at Bermuda and Salolo each. The lalafell quickly jumped back, letting the bullets hit the ground near her feet. Bermuda, once again, relied on his trusty tomb to block the oncoming shots.
“I hope you know how to fight,” said Salolo, drawing her axe back.
“Fuck this,” Bermuda wasted no time to drop the head, turn back, and sprint as fast as his can.
Salolo saw Bermuda’s flee in surprise. “You have got to be kidding me…” She turned back to the five, the gunners reloading, the archer’s readying another arrow, and the dragoon burying his face into his palm. Needless to say, she didn’t like her odds. After evaluating the best course of action, Salolo followed Bermuda’s route; turning tail and getting the hell out.
She wasn’t that far from Bermuda, and was able to catch up quickly. “Where the hell are you going, you coward!?” She yelled.
“What, you think I’m actually going to fight them!?” Said Bermuda, breathing heavy from the sprinting, as well as dodging an arrow flying past his right side. “I don’t even know you people! I’m not getting myself into crap that gets me shot again, hell no!”
“We wouldn’t be getting shot if you haven’t taken my money!” Salolo yelled back, ducking as another arrow flew past her head. “This should have been a smooth exchange, but you and your stupid bird-”
“Oh crap, Boulder!” Bermuda suddenly became very worried about his chocobo. “I have to find my chocobo!”
“Do you really think this is the time to- whoa!” Salolo was cut off mid sentence when Boulder appeared suddenly out from the right, and swept up the lalafell with a scoop of his head. As Boulder ran past, Bermuda quickly grabbed the saddle and hopped on in front of Salolo.
“Good job Boulder!” Bermuda took control of the reins and started to lead Boulder towards what he hoped was the path leading to the Observatorium. Bermuda looked back, and saw the the archers and gunners giving chase. Though their speed was no match for the chocobo, they were still able to shoot; arrows and bullets began to fly past again, though thanks to the snow, their shots all barely missed.
Salolo groaned as she sat up, still registering what just happened. “What just…” Once she saw that she was riding the very bird that took her money, with its owner in front, she started, very angrily, clawing at Bermuda. “Don’t think I’m done with you! Hand me my damn gil!” She yelled as she pulled on Bermuda’s coat and hair.
“Hey hey, stop pulling my hair!” Bermuda yelled back, trying to keep control of Boulder. With Salolo’s constant tugging, however, Bermuda kept pulling the reins back and forth, left and right, causing Boulder to swerve in a zigzag, while simultaneously speeding up and slowing down.
After a little while, Bermuda noticed two things; one, they weren’t being shot at anymore, which was a blessing, and two, they were now going uphill. “Wait, wait, wait!” Bermuda managed to pull Salolo off him. “You hear that? I think we lost them.”
Salolo, still steaming, took notice as well. She didn’t say anything at first, as another question quickly popped up in her head. “Then, where are we going now?”
The snow and the night made it difficult to tell where they were at the moment. What did show, however, was that the ground suddenly ended several yards ahead. It seems that, during the chase and their grappling, Boulder ended up running towards the crater north of Boulder Downs, running up one of the many high cliffs surrounding the impact. And it was the edge of the cliffs that they saw.
Bermuda pulled back on the reins, but it was too late; Boulder ran clean off, flapping his wings in a futile attempt to fly. “Boulder, no!”
The bird dropped like a rock tied to a cement block with a heavy chain. Bermuda and Salolo both yelled for their lives as they all fell into the dark, snowy crater, before landing with a loud THUMP.
~
“Crap, I think we lost them,” said one of the archers, as they still tried to look beyond the falling snow.
“I think we should split up,” suggested a gunner.
They all nodded in agreement, but did not go far before the dragoon reappeared.
“You guys had ONE job!” He shouted, which brought both archers and gunners standing before him, back straight and in line. “How are supposed to do business if you guys keep trying to kill our clients at the slightest hint of aggression? Huh?”
“Sorry boss,” one archer apologized.
“Never happening, boss!” responding another archer.
“Eh, no promises here boss, I love shottin’ things.” said a gunner, wearing a big grin.
“Of course you do…” the dragoon sighed. “Soap’s gonna be pissed about this.”
“Hmm?” one of the archers noticed the dragoon was carrying the head Bermuda had. “Hey boss, you actually gonna keep that?”
The dragoon lifted up the head, “This? Yeah, I am, actually. I’m curious about that guy hangin’ with Salolo.” He brought the head to his front, taking another look at it. He wasn’t sure when Bermuda first took it out, and he wasn’t sure when he finally picked up it to get a better look. Even now, he still can’t believe what he was looking at, or rather, who it was.
“Boss?” the archer called back, “Boss, you there?”
There was no mistaking who this head was, though. “Soap's gonna to want to see this.”